Why can't a zombie just eat Honey Boo Boo's Brains?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been severely slacking.  Part of the problem has been I haven't really had anything to post about.  At one point I thought about doing a post about Rosie O'Donnell loving Honey Boo Boo, and how awful that whole mess is, but I think South Park pretty much said all I wanted to say in the episode that featured Honey Boo Boo.  One thing I will say is, I read that Rosie loved the Honey Boo Boo family so much, that she wanted to buy them a house.  Really?  Cause that sort of family needs a house from Rosie?  How about oh I don't know, a hurricane Sandy victim that lost their house, or maybe oh let's just say, any person living homeless in the USofA, or any third world country for that matter? Don't you think Rosie could do better than buying Honey Boo Boo a house?

While I don't really like spending time talking about Reality Television shows, I'm finding a new disturbing trend.  Remember back in the early 90's when reality shows were just beginning to find their niche, like The Real World on MTV?  How the show was based on lets just get a bunch of people in one house and see what happens?  That was great at first, it was actual reality.  But then Hollywood Land noticed that they could make a bunch of money off of doing these cheap reality shows.  All you need is a good producer, some camera crew, and people to film. Certainly is a lot cheaper than paying for a writer, director, actors, sets, locations, etc.  And of course I could probably do a whole post on reality TV, but I'm not going to do that, I'm already like two paragraphs into this post, and I haven't even tackled the title of it yet, false advertising or what?  What I will say, is I'm beginning to see a new trend on reality TV, and it makes me sick.  Instead of just finding normal people, it seems like every reality show is just looking for someone who is mentally disabled, or deranged, or borderline psychotic.  Now if done in the right way, this can be extremely entertaining, and yet thought provoking as well.  If you don't believe me, watch the documentary Heroes, on HBO.  But for now, it just seems like producers will look for people they can just straight up exploit so that viewers can watch and laugh at them.  Is that really where we want our viewing direction to head?  Sure it's fun to make fun of people, but don't parade this shit around television and then show us a commercial about how bullying is bad.  Gee Hollywood, haven't you bullied women, gays, minorities, and others enough?

I'm not making this up either, if you don't believe me, just wait.  I'm sure you've heard of Nat Geo's show Doomsday Preppers.  Is that one or two words?  Anyway, in like a week or two, they are having an end of the world special, and one of those shows, is about how people believe that a zombie outbreak is a real thing, and preparing for!  Really?  A zombie apocalypse is a real thing? Give me a break, break me off a piece of that....Zombies are going to rise, and eat brains!  Now of course, everyone imagines what they are going to do if there was an actual zombie outbreak, hell when I worked at Meijer, I and another manager came up with a plan of what to do to lock down the store and survive.  No shit, seriously, but not once did it ever come up as a real thing, it was just something to talk about to entertain each other.  But in this special they have people who ACTUALLY BELIEVE this is going to happen.  Recently, a boyfriend shot his girlfriend in the back with a rifle, because she argued with him that a zombie outbreak would never really happen after watching an episode of The Walking Dead.  I kid you not!

I think the problem is, that the reality shows have hit a roadblock.  They've done all they pretty much can with the whole reality show spectrum.  I mean you can only do so much with reality!  No wonder people are starting to go back to shows with original ideas and story lines.  It just goes to show people, if it's a shitty product, don't watch it, and they will stop making it.  If you find something that is good, and support it, you can have an absolute smash hit.  The Walking Dead is a great show that highlights this point.  The only mistake AMC ever made with this show, is thinking it wasn't going to make it past season one, that and letting Frank Darabont go.  Really? You get the guy who did one of the best movies of all time (I don't actually think it's the best movie of all time), and you let him go after season one?  We all saw what happened with season 2 of TWD, after Darabont left, I think it left Mazarra and the other producer chick, scrambling trying to come up with an idea of what the hell to do, and ended up spending way too much time on that farm, debating philosophy and morality.  Really?  Did you really think that that's what people watched TWD for?  The good thing is, it seemed like the showrunners actually listened to the fans, and season 3 has been just what it should have been, following the comic!  Now I'm not one of those fan boy types that thinks you should follow every frame right from the comic.  When transitioning from one medium, such as comics or novels, to movies or television, it's a new product that needs to be presented in a different way while still remaining loyal to the original content.

I should have a point to this whole post right?  Well I guess ultimately, stop watching shitty reality shows.  Watch something that people in the industry put their time and passion into.  Don't waste your time watching schlock about borderline mentally retarded people (Mtv's Teen Mom 2, Ke$ha is like my idol), who have no business in front of a camera.  You want to know the reason why good episodic shows like The Walking Dead or Arrested Development never get love from networks?  Because they don't fit the formula, they don't fit into the mold of 24 plus episodes a season, so that they can get to episode 100 and begin running it in syndication.  That's really all the networks care about, can a show get to 100 plus episodes, so we can just cash in on the royalties.  So stop pandering to the system, watch original content.  Just because a show is only ten episodes, doesn't mean its bad, it just means its usually way better than a hundred episodes of a schlock show combined.

Evil Dead 4?!

So Evil Dead is being remade or number 4 is being made, whatever you want to call it.  Evil Dead is coming back! This should be great news right?  Personally, Evil Dead (2) is one of my favorite movies of all time! At least in the horror genre anyways.  Yes we can gripe between which was the better, but come on, Evil Dead 2 wasn't a direct sequel, it was just a remake of the first one with a better budget.  No you say?  Right I know the sequel had a montage in the beginning which recaps the first movie, but then the sequel just does the exact same plot as before, just done better.  Remember Evil Dead 1 started from a short film that Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi did for Michigan State.  So now that's out of the way, we move onto Army of Darkness, another great piece of cinema horror/comedy history.  I'm not going to go into detail of the plots here, as I'm hoping anyone that is reading this has seen these movies, if not, stop reading and go BUY these movies, you will not be disappointed if you're say a Resident Evil (yuck) fan, or a Dawn of the Dead (or insert any Romero zombie film here) fan.

So obviously, enough time has passed, that warrants a remake or another sequel.  Personally I do think remake is more appropriate for this than rather doing a straight up sequel, I love Bruce Campbell, but it's time to pass the torch.  By the way, before I get further into this, Bruce Campbell supposedly was offered a cameo in the new Evil Dead, but turned it down, which I give him props for doing.  Especially with what this new Evil Dead is going to be.  So a new Evil Dead movie, I should be excited right?  Well I was, until I saw the direction they are going.  Now granted, I'm not the most in depth researcher, all the information I'm going off of is from IMDB.  So why am I not happy?  Simply put, the lead character in this new remake.  Let's face it, what was it that made Evil Dead so awesome? Well let's look at the movie.  Sure at it's core, it's just another zombie flick, where you could even compare it to Romero's original "Night of the Living Dead," where it's a group of people, diverse in background, culture, race, all stuck in a house, or cottage, surrounded by evil.  Believe it or not, this will help prove my point, don't worry I'm getting to it, of why this remake angle is a bad idea, but I'll get to that later.

Okay, so why am I not liking this remake? Plain and simple, it's who they have casted for the lead.  Jane Levy.  Who you ask?  Yeah I had to look her up.  If you ask me she looks like a second rate Isla Fischer.  And if you're going for a second rate Isla Fischer, man you are really scraping the bottom of the barrel.  For those who don't know who Isla Fischer, she was the crazy redhead in "The Wedding Crashers."  Jane Levy's previous works include "Suburgatory," U.S. version of "Shameless," and "Nobody Walks."  Yeah, I haven't seen any of those either, but that's not my biggest gripe about casting her.  It's the fact that the lead in this film, or the protagonist, is a female.

Now before everyone gets all sexist on me, let me just say, I have no problem with a female being a protagonist in any kind of story.  "Alien," and "Aliens," are some of my favorite movies of all time.  Who was the protagonist in those, a female "Ripley."  Those movies never really would have worked as well with a male lead, it just fit to have a female in the role of Ripley.  The first "Alien," was all about survival, and it made you empathize with this Ripley character of just wanting to get the hell off that ship and away from that creature.  Same goes for the great sequel, and probably the last good film James Cameron ever made without Arnold.  The Ripley character wouldn't have worked as well, if you had some macho dude go in there with all those Marines.  Ripley was a nice foil to all of that.  Also look at "The Night of the Living Dead," female lead in that as well.  I know a lot of people will hate me for saying this, but I was more of a fan of the remake in 1990.  Patricia Tallman I thought did an excellent job of starting out as this weak girly girl type, and by the end turned into this badass killing zombie machine.  But isn't that what they are going for in the Evil Dead remake? Well of course, obviously.  But there's where they will fail.

What made the Evil Dead series so great?  What made us all Hail to the King?  Bruce Campbell.  Now like I said before I don't think Bruce should strap on the chainsaw, and load up the sawed off, but to put a female lead is downright a spit in the face to any Evil Dead fan.  Let's face it, Evil Dead was awesome because of the one liners.  "I'll swallow your soul, I'll swallow your soul!" "Swallow this!"  BOOM!  Or how about when Ash hooks up the chainsaw to his blood stump and says, "Groovy."  That was just cool.  Yeah they were all corny, but corny works in that setting!  Now imagine, a little red head, who by the way still looks like she's twelve, saying stuff like that.  It just doesn't have the impact of a guy saying that.  I'm sorry, it just doesn't work.  Now granted, its a remake, they want to take it in a new direction, I understand that.  I just don't see this "little girl," making the impact that Bruce "Don't call me Ash" Campbell had on the screen.  The whole reason, at least me personally, fell in love with the Evil Dead, was because the Ash character starts out as just an average guy.  Even kind of stupid if you will.  He was just some guy who brought his girl out to a cottage in the woods, to get some, and ended up having to dismember her body, even while her decapitated head talked shit to him. (Wow is that really the first curse word I've used in this blog?)  Not to mention in the Evil Dead, especially with number two and "The Army of Darkness," there was an edge of humor, and slapstick silliness to it all.  Will Jane Levy, be able to bring that kind of slapstick humor, while still remaining a badass?  That's a pretty tall order if you ask me.

Who knows, I could be completely wrong and this new version with a twelve year old Pippy Longstockings reject might just blow us away with crazy new one liners like, "Hail to the Queen, baby!"  See, it just doesn't have the same affect.  Oh so you're saying I should do better than? Well I'm actually terrible at casting when it comes to this kind of stuff, but I'll throw my two cents in on this.  Whom do I think should rise up and take the mantle from Bruce Campbell to be the new badass in Evil Dead? I have to go with Nathan Fillion.  Yes, the guy from Firefly.  He would do well in that role, he can play the average joe guy, stuck in a bad situation, and come out a badass, while still spitting out one liners and having some slapstick thrown in.  Now shut up, and give me some sugar baby.

Looper

So I'm going to start this one off by saying I have not watched this film.  I have only seen the trailers for it.  I should start off by saying I'm a huge Bruce Willis fan.  Seriously, I think he's great, no he's not like a true thespian Shakespeare actor in the same league as like a Kenneth Brannaugh, but for what he does, there's no one better.  He's also one of those actors that have just gotten better with age.  Now I should also say, just because Bruce Willis is in the movie, doesn't mean I'm going to like it.  I mean the fourth Die Hard, come on.  It was bad enough Timothy Olyphant played a boy band bad guy, but even Justin Long and Kevin Smith? couldn't save that movie.  But who else would have played a better Corben Dallas?  And whatever happened to Chris Tucker? I heard they are making another Friday movie and Cube said he would bring back Chris, but I just don't see that happening.  Am I the only one that thinks Chris Tucker just disappeared and turned into the guy he played in "The Dead Presidents?" I can see him now, in that recliner, ODing on heroin with the syringe still stuck in his vein.
Anyway, back to Looper.  So the main plot of this story, from what I've gathered from the trailers mind you, is that time travel is discovered, and then outlawed?, and the mob controls it like on the black market.  Okay, sure I can see that happening, realistic enough for a sci-fi fantasy setting.  But so then the mob decides to use this as a way to carry out their hits.  Okay, I get it, no body no crime, send it to the past problem solved.  Totally makes sense.  Or does it?

Here's where I have problems with this swiss cheese story.  Time travel is discovered and then outlawed, but the Mob seems to use it no problem.  Wait a minute, where's Jean Claude van Damme?  I mean where's Timecop?  If the government is able to outlaw time travel, don't you think they would have some way of enforcing that?  From the trailer it seems there is no deterrent for the mob to pull this off.  Which although I know this is fantasy, seems somewhat unrealistic.  How can you outlaw something, and then have no way of enforcing it?  It's not like when they had prohibition, even though bootlegging was going on, they had law enforcement do nothing about it.  That's where Kevin Costner came in, right?
So okay, the mob seems to control this outlawed process, with no deterrent whatsoever.  Let's look past that for a moment.  Let's take a look at what they use this for.  The mob controls time travel, and when they have a target that needs to be eliminated, they send him or her back 30 years into the past, so that a Looper can kill, and dispose of the body.  Does anyone else think this is ridiculous?  I have to imagine this is kind of like overkill.  So in the future, they don't have big furnaces, or lye, or acid, that can burn up bodies?  Or even a chain and a brick?  Or how about pigs? Or any other kind of animal you could chop up a body and feed to?  It would seem that any of those alternatives, would be just as effective, if not cheaper than having to use a time traveling device to send someone back into the past.  Think about it, time travel is invented, and outlawed, and only the mob uses it.  Well then that means no Joe Schmo is going to be able to do it, you must need time and money to be able to I'm assuming have a device of some kind to time travel.  Hence you would need money or some kind of resource to send someone back in time.  And if this becomes their whole operation of taking care of their hits, doesn't it seem like a complete waste of funds?  Yeah let's send this guy back in time to be taken care of, and pay up the ass to do it, where as you could just have some guy do it in the present, do the same thing the looper does, but not have to pay for the whole time travel.  So wait you're saying I'm starting to make more sense than this ridiculous movie idea? Just wait, it gets better!
So now that I've pointed out how ridiculous a notion this is, for the mob to send guys back in time, to be taken care of, when someone could just as easily do it in the present, which I'm assuming would be cheaper, brings me to the real point of how ridiculous this plot is.  Think about it, time travel is outlawed, and the mob uses time travel to carry out hits.  Do you really think, if the mob had access to time travel, they would use it to carry out hits?  No.  What does the mob do?  Make money.  Sure they do other things, but what is the real point of being in organized crime?  It is to make money.  So they have access to a time machine, and all they use it for is to send guys back in time to be killed?  That seems like a complete waste of resources.  Wouldn't it make sense to use the time machine to rig sporting events?  Like the mob wouldn't make a killing in Vegas being able to rig sports or affect the outcome of something?  Or use it to move in on another territory for its resources before they are even claimed?  Like say you're in 2073, and you're a Don Kingpin in the mafia, how much richer would you be if you sent some guys down to take over the 1970's and 80's cocaine market?  Seriously, I mean everyone has seen "Blow," and how about just a group of people were able to make a killing off the entire market?  How hard would it have been to send two tough guy mafioso's down there and tell George they work for them now?
Lastly, and this is a total nitpick but I think it needs to be said.  Am I the only one, that thinks Joseph Gordon Levitt, looks like an idiot in that makeup they put him in?  Seriously!  He talked in some interview about how he would have to sit in a makeup chair for hours because, "he looked nothing like Bruce Willis," well no shit Sherlock.  You don't look like Bruce Willis, but putting on some fake eyebrows and lines in your face, do not make it look any better.  In fact it just looks weird, and every time I see him in the trailer, I tend to think, "What's wrong with your face?"

First Post

Hello and welcome to my blog! I can't tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but if you ask me, I'm going to lean towards bad. Why? Because I've always thought as wonderful as the internet is, its also the biggest nightmare ever. A place where any idiot can go out and say whatever he or she can say, is straight up dangerous. No filter, no censorship, just straight flowing conscious thought pouring from every web page. Now sure there's nothing bad about someone sharing their thoughts or beliefs, the danger comes in when idiot reader takes that information and uses it as fact or becomes a belief.
Beliefs, now that's the most dangerous thing in the world. Beliefs are argued, fought over, killed for, and died over. Beliefs, in another word, dangerous. As you read think of your beliefs, and what you have, or what you would do for your beliefs. Would you die for your belief in Jesus or Allah? Would you kill for democracy or socialism? Or lets not even go life or death, would you paint your naked chest and freeze in zero degree weather for Green Bay, or the Steelers? Maybe not exactly dangerous, but certainly not safe either. Will I tell you to stop believing? No, beliefs although dangerous, have an upside as well. How many third world countries now have running water that they did not have before, all thanks to people believing in a guy who taught them right and wrong.  I could go on, but if you haven't gotten the point by now, you are one of those idiots I was talking about at the beginning of this post.
Going along with beliefs, nationalism is another danger.  I've always thought nationalism should only be used for one thing, and one thing only, the Olympics.  I'm not saying you shouldn't be proud of your country, you should, but when you get into the whole, my country is better than yours, you can see where the problem lies.  You could also get into the whole, my God can beat up your God, debate in here as well, but we all know that's just going to turn us into dogs chasing our own tails.
By now you're asking is there a point to my rambling about dangerous beliefs? Yes.  This blog is not here intended to create controversy, promote independent thought, or question what you thought was solid is now crumbling.  This blog is for entertainment purposes only.  Sure I may go deep, but as you read each and every post that may or may not come into this, remember, this is for entertainment.  I am not here to cater to the masses, or go with what's popular in pop culture.  If that's what you are looking for, then you can look elsewhere.  This blog is dangerous.  It will be my free flowing conscious spewing out rambling rhetoric of how I see this cruel, twisted, and beautiful world we call Earth. I don't really know what to expect from this blog so we all shall see together what comes of this as its all just one big work in progress.  What I can say, is that if you are reading this, I thank you for your time and consideration, and hopefully something written in here will promote free thought and independent beliefs outside of what has been structured for so many of us in society.  But you must always remember, this is for entertainment purposes only.
In this blog, I don't have some outlying plan that this will cover this, or that, it will be whatever I feel I need to publish at the time.  If you were to ask me right now, I'll probably point out to be reviewing or criticizing works in the media, television, film, books, music, video games, and whatever else I feel like covering.
Now granted, I myself hate critics, and reviews of such, as I feel its hard to critique or review someone else's art, that they have poured a piece of themselves into.  But as a writer myself, yes I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Creative Writing, or how to bullshit your way through college, as I like to call it, I feel like I have an opinion that is missing in today's society.  And I guess that is why the real reason for this blog is being created.  I know for a long time, that the film and television industry is shelling out excrement for us to watch, and I've reached the point where my anger has outgrown my apathy to sit back and watch, to take some type of action.  This blog is my action.  This is my forum to announce to the world things you love or like, are terrible, and should be put six feet under.  Did I just really say that? Yup.  Because I guarantee there's something out there that you love, and I will find a way to rip it apart, and hopefully show you faults that you did not see before.  The biggest example of this would be the show "Lost," on ABC.  Of course, I'm sure I'm not the only fan of that show that watched that last season and just went, "Are you kidding me? That's how you ended it?"  Or maybe you're not a fan of "Lost," how about "The Sopranos?"  Yeah great show, but horrible ending.  I mean horrible.  You know what I always thought "The Sopranos" should have ended?  It should have ended like "The Departed," where everyone just gets killed.  Really? Yup, they all should have been killed.  It's a mob story, and how many mob stories end with a happy ending?  Instead they just go black and mute.  Really? How much more dramatic would have it been, seeing Tony Soprano and his family gunned down, blood dripping from their bodies, while some Sinatra song plays in the background?  Way more appropriate ending than just cutting to a black screen.  Anyway I feel like I'm starting to go off on tangents and I want to stay focused here. Hopefully this blog will be a way to entertain you, and make you think for yourself.  That's my real hope for this, but alas, only time will tell how corrupted and twisted my hopes and dreams become.